Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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