What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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