im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize