So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
