TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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