I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
