Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It was confusing and full of hummus
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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