Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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