Having a random hookup so left but love u
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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