Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
