I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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