youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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