I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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