Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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