I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
