hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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