Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
