is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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