Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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