It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
