Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
