Don't you send me to vm
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
