if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
