My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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