i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I am available for nakedness
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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