the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
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Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
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I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Someone signed my nipple.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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