I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
