I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
