We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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