hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
