I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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