I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
