Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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