I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
