i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
