So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
