i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
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They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
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Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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