Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
