so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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