My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
