Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
