Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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