Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
