About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I stole a fireplace last night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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