All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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