I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
