I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I think I just shit out all my problems.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
