I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
