Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
