My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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