i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
