i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
