He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
