I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Pooping to opera.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
