i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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