yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
