i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
