whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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