I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
