idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
