If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Randomize
