Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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