i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
