I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
it's like heaven, but drunker
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
