So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
